it's that time of the year again-- CNY!
what's new?--- nothing, nothing new at all.. it's a routine once again eating all that heavy food that will make me gain some weight, but thank God I'm controlling all those stuff.

It's sad to see my dad again not visiting with us. His sister and mom ask my brother and I where is he?, what is he doing?... and i really don't know how to answer that.. I believe that everyone knew what happened in the past, but no one simply bother to tell me exactly what happened and why.. really getting sick of this.. every year he would just be alone during this time.. and it sucks to see it happening... it's always bits and pieces that i need to think and assume what happened... sometimes i think and believe that it's because of the divorce, because of a bad mother in law... then another lover comes by and there a broken family.. and so not staying with my mom for like 11 years.. i can feel that each year the relationship is just getting thinner and thinner.. i don't share as much as how i would in the past.. it seems like she is just going to be another person... sometimes i think to myself, why should i care about my family and relatives, when the victims are my brother and I.. and sometimes i wonder do i actually love them?.. even my bro and dad.

the heart is numb to all these emotions... it's just a scar for life..